Conflict Avoidance: Why It’s Harmful, How to Overcome It & More

You also might double-check your company’s policy on after-hours phone calls, as you can use this policy as a backup. Conflict can make most people feel uneasy, whether a full-blown argument or a civil confrontation. She writes often about the intersections between health, wellness, and the science of human behavior.

• Whether you’re experiencing conflict at home, work, or school, learning these skills can help you resolve differences in a healthy way and build stronger, more rewarding relationships.
• Avoidance coping is considered to be maladaptive (or unhealthy) because it often exacerbates stress without helping a person deal with the things that are causing them stress.
• Therapy and anxiety-management techniques might also help you cope during conflict.
• It can get so bad they don’t know how to talk to each other at all.
• Practice self-forgiveness for all the times that you have judged or punished yourself in some way because you felt ashamed or weak.

Conflict avoidance hurts your relationship because it hurts you.

Journaling and meditation have been found to be highly effective for managing emotional stress. In addition to finding techniques that calm your physiology, look for strategies that soothe your emotions. However, just because something minimizes our stress in one particular moment does not mean that it is a healthy form of coping. For example, eating, shopping, or having an alcoholic drink might make us feel better in the moment but they have long-term consequences if they are overdone. Stress relief strategies like relaxation techniques and jogging can minimize the stress response when you face a problem and even increase your self-confidence. They can empower you to face your stressors more effectively.

Why You Need to Stop Avoiding Conflict (and What to Do Instead)

The DBT principle of “radical acceptance,” defined by Marsha Linehan, Ph.D., means to accept not only things but people for who they are—this includes accepting their limitations and changing your own expectations. Kari Rusnak, MA, LPC, is a licensed couples counselor with a multistate telehealth practice. New, trends and analysis, as well as breaking news alerts, to help HR professionals do their jobs better each business day.

You’re Healing From Some Heavy Stuff

That said, taking the first step can make it seem more doable. Taking a small step toward making changes to your behavior will get you headed in the direction you want to go. If you take a bigger step each time, you’ll soon find yourself on a path toward active how to deal with someone who avoids conflict coping. We strive for “stress management” rather than “stress avoidance” because we can’t always avoid stress, but we can manage it with effective coping techniques. Here’s more about what that means as well as how you can learn to cope more effectively.

If you can think and talk, and if you ever encounter other people, there is the potential for conflict. Conflict is an inevitable, completely normal part of the human condition, yet most people readily admit that they intentionally avoid anything that even remotely resembles disagreement or confrontation. In fact, much of my work in therapy and coaching involves helping people to understand – and even embrace – the value of conflict and overcome the fears that feed their aversion.

The Fictitious Reality of Avoiding Conflict

Safety opens the door to reasonable, collaborative and evolved responses. And that makes for a more harmonious and productive workforce. “Conflict resolution is an important component of [the HR] roles,” Walker said. “This doesn’t preclude individuals who are uncomfortable https://ecosoberhouse.com/ with conflict from being successful. It just means that they will need additional training and support in this area.” Internally, this could look like replacing certain feelings, like sadness or grief, with something that feels more acceptable to you, like anger.

• Speaking up can ultimately lead to creating a fairer system that benefits everyone.
• During a conflict, you can remind yourself to breathe deeply.
• Without the ability to resolve conflict productively, resentment and distrust proliferates.
• Take the assessment and get matched with a therapist in as little as 48 hours.
• Consider practicing conflict-management skills in low-stress situations.

Help for the Conflict Avoidant

Make note of these and try to actively notice when you are avoiding something in the future. People who are prone to anxiety might have learned avoidance techniques early on and therefore might find it more difficult to learn proactive strategies. If you learned to adopt these behaviors when you were growing up, they can become a habit by the time you are an adult. However, that does not mean that it needs to remain your main mode for handling stress.

• They are highly motivated to resolve conflict before it even begins.
• Conflicts can be draining, so it’s important to consider whether the issue is really worth your time and energy.
• Pretty much everyone would agree that confrontation is uncomfortable, embarrassing, messy and confusing.

These can include parents, adult children, ex-spouses, and others with whom they must frequently interact. Research shows that psychological safety encourages moderate risk taking and open communication, behaviors that may be particularly difficult for conflict-avoidant employees. Fortunately, what’s good for flighters turns out to be good for everyone. Flighters might just need a little extra encouragement and support. Somatic avoidance refers to steering clear from situations that elicit a physical response similar to anxiety or the stress response. INFJs can read the emotions of others and will use their diplomatic communication style to focus on common ground instead of the differences in relationships.

Personality Traits Of People Who Hate Conflict

These thoughts might make it difficult for you to face conflict. Voicing your objections could include pointing out if the barista got your coffee order wrong or reminding your co-worker that they forgot to get back to you on an important issue. For example, if your co-workers call a meeting about unfair schedule changes, it gives you all a chance to suggest a better method of scheduling work. Speaking up can ultimately lead to creating a fairer system that benefits everyone.